In January 2009, when Sabrina was 2 years old, I took her to see a Clinical Psychologist at a well-known and well-respected hospital/research center. Sabrina was to get full psychological and developmental testing. I don’t know what I was looking for that day, but with a child showing significant developmental challenges, it just seemed like the thing to do.
It turns out that in addition to not learning anything helpful, I also got dealt a bit of unwelcome news. At the end the session, without warning, the Psychologist wrapped up the session by declaring that Sabrina had cognitive deficits and that one day she could get a job “working in a kitchen”. She said this in such a way that suggested that I should feel comforted by the idea.
I was completely taken aback. I originally thought she might give me some insight that would help Sabrina reach her full potential – some insight as to what approaches may work best for her. I certainly wasn’t expecting her to tell me where Sabrina would be when she was an adult. At that point I was just thinking about where we were going to enroll her in preschool!
She must have thought that she was doing me a favor, that perhaps I was worried for Sabrina’s future and that she was giving me hope. Or perhaps she thought that her job was to give me reality check.
Sabrina was only 2 years old.
Already at age 2, someone was limiting Sabrina based on test scores – limiting who she could be one day.
At the time we were very aware of Sabrina’s challenges, and that she may never talk, may never do a lot of things. But up until that point, I hadn’t considered what Sabrina’s adulthood might be like. And at that point, I don’t think that I needed to.
I allowed these test scores and predications to change the way I looked at my daughter. At the time I sort of knew better, but not enough. I didn’t have the experience, the knowledge, the advocacy skills that I do now. I didn’t know anything about disabilities. And I was scared. This woman was a professional, and her words were all I had.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with working in a kitchen. If that’s what makes Sabrina happy and what she enjoys, GREAT! But, what if it’s not what Sabrina enjoys? The professional didn’t suggest any other options, and her tone and delivery didn’t leave me excited about the possibilities for Sabrina’s future. It calls to mind professionals in the 50’s and 60’s telling parents of babies and children with disabilities that they should institutionalize the children, as this is the highest calling they’d reach in life. Although this may sound like a harsh comparison, isn’t the professional in both situations putting limits on the child?
This clinician actually specifies on her website that she’s interested in helping parents understand their children’s unique strengths, but what about Sabrina’s strengths informed her opinion that Sabrina could work in a kitchen? What about that statement empowered me to build on Sabrina’s strengths in order to maximize her potential when she got older, and to use those strengths to help Sabrina find something she could find pride and accomplishment in?
Now, 7 years later, I know that Sabrina’s challenges are significant. And yet, my vision for her future, is set much higher than it’s ever been. For the first time I’ve allowed myself to envision her life as an adult, because I see possibilities.
Those of you who know Sabrina now she’s social. She has an amazing smile, she loves meeting new people and engaging them.
For the first time, I see possibilities. The jobs that Sabrina has at school has opened my eyes to what she can do someday if given the support. It’s opened up my eyes to how much she truly gets enjoyment and satisfaction out of doing a job where she knows what’s expected of her, and how proud she is of herself when she accomplishes something. I can see how she fits into a community and how she can be a valued member of that community.
Could Sabrina, with the proper training and supports (perhaps with the assistance of a job coach who specializes in working with clients with disabilities): hold a position as a greeter or hostess? work for a delivery service, where she gets to see people regularly? work for a local parks and rec department? use her love of music and dance to work in a theater?
Perhaps.
I don’t know.
But neither does this professional.
I’m willing to bet Sabrina can do something that is interesting and meaningful to her, and that contributes something of value. And I’m willing to bet she will.